As we come down from our Ecstasy-like “yes, we did!” high over the election, this should come as no surprise: hillbilly dumbshits are now stocking up on guns and ammunition like toilet paper.
Allan Craig is scared for the country and for himself.
So less than 48 hours after Democrat Barack Obama was elected president, Craig went out to buy an M-4 rifle.
“It’s for protection,” the 57-year-old funeral director from Weatherford said. “I’m fearful for our country. I think there will be violence. People want to go in and take over this country…trying to destroy America.
“I will protect myself and my family.”
Craig is part of a wave of people nationwide who, even before the election, began stocking up on guns and ammunition amid fear that Obama might put new gun restrictions in place after he takes office Jan. 20.
Funny, it doesn’t sound to me as though Mr. Craig is concerned about losing his right to bear arms, but more the long-held ignorant cracker belief that if you let your guard down long enough the blacks are going to take over, with their hippity hop music and their fried chicken restaurants, talking loud in movie theaters and raping good Christian white women. After all, now that one of them is going to be the next President who knows what they’re capable of?
Okay, maybe not every redneck fuckstick is worried about the impending Negro Uprising. Some of them are just under the impression that the president-elect’s desire to reinstate the ban on assault weapons means that he plans to do away with the Second Amendment entirely.
Some gun owners say they are worried that Obama and Congress, controlled by Democrats, will easily pass a new assault-weapons ban or other restrictions. Some predicted that Obama would take gun owners’ guns away or put them out of reach by drastically increasing taxes on them.
“He’s not like [President] Bush and [Vice President Dick] Cheney,” said Darla Hoag of Callahan County, who was shopping at a local gun store with her husband Thursday. “They were hunters…I feel [Obama] doesn’t have a clue.”
I’m not sure invoking Dick Cheney, who filled a guy’s face with buckshot, as a hero to hunters shows a pattern of logical thinking, and I also doubt that, unless you plan on turning deer into shredded bits of fur, an assault weapons ban will affect hunters. Nevertheless, Ms. Hoag is merely charmingly ignorant, almost homespun, like a character you’d see on The Andy Griffith Show or Mama’s Family. People like Allan Craig, however, are scarily ignorant, the type who shoot trick or treaters because they felt “threatened” and genuinely believe that whites are just minutes away from extinction, except that they probably can’t spell “extinction.”
I worry about people like Mr. Craig as we draw closer to when Barack Obama officially becomes President. If it’s possible to dress Obama in fashionable head-to-toe Kevlar, I suggest it be done, because I can almost hear the miniscule brain cells of racist shitbags squeaking in unison over a plan to “take back America,” and it’s likely that plan involves attempts on Obama’s life, or at the very least spirit-crushing racist attacks. Because, you know, we were doing so fine before he came into the picture, everybody had jobs, we were prosperous, blacks knew their place and our government was an example of fair, competent Democracy respected by the world. Well, blacks knew their place, anyway, that’s what’s important.
You know, I don’t normally wish death upon anyone (okay, that’s a bald-faced lie), but it’s for these kinds of situations that The Darwin Awards were created. A few accidentally self-inflicted gunshot wounds really might restore some dignity to the American people.