Archive for current events

Here’s a fashion statement for you: ‘I am a total douchelord’

Posted in current events with tags , on July 18, 2008 by Gena Radcliffe

This just in: hipsters continue to secure their place as America’s most despicable human beings.

A story like this must be digested in portions, like a Hungry Man dinner. First, there’s the notion of paying $69 for a t-shirt that looks like it was made at someone’s dining room table. Next, there’s the idea that the student thought she could wear a shirt bearing a racist statement in the middle of New York fucking City and not get her ass handed to her. After that, there’s the fact that she is considering suing the designer of the t-shirt for…well, nobody seems to be quite clear as to why just yet. Finally, there’s the designer himself, Apollo Braun (not his real name, obvs.).

“I can’t stand Obama…he reminds me of Adolf Hitler,” Braun explained, adding he does not like Obama because “he is a Muslim” — a thoroughly debunked myth.

Curiously, the reporter did not seem to ask Braun to elaborate on his Obama-Hitler analogy. We can only assume that he believes that an Obama presidency would lead to Washington, DC being turned into another Dachau, perhaps with the assistance of Ice Cube and Professor Griff of Public Enemy. Any way you look at it, this is epic fail on all sides, but if I could play Devil’s advocate for a moment, I have my doubts that the assaulted student is as outwardly racist as her choice of fashion would make it seem. It seems more like a woefully misguided attempt at an edgy political statement, expressing what many white people supposedly secretly feel about Obama but don’t have the guts to say. This is similar to The New Yorker’s controversial cover depicting Obama as wearing a turban and bumping fists with his be-Afroed, gun-toting wife. Similar, mind you, but without the subtlety, and while I don’t normally endorse vigilante justice this girl still deserved the hard time she got, whatever her reasons behind wearing the shirt might have been.

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Remember our military dead and get 20% off a La-Z-Boy recliner!

Posted in current events, politics with tags , on May 26, 2008 by Gena Radcliffe

While you’re enjoying wienies and potato salad at a Memorial Day barbecue, please take a moment to check out this interactive, AP-produced list of American soldiers killed in Iraq. It’s a comprehensive list beginning with Marine Major Jay Aubin, the first serviceman killed in March 2003, and ending with Army Specialist David McCormick, killed at the end of March of this year.

Take a moment to consider the extraordinary cost of human life wasted here. I mean, seriously, Bush gave up playing golf over it, it has to be a kind of a big deal.

Mission accomplished!

Posted in politics with tags , on May 17, 2008 by Gena Radcliffe

Republican presidential nominee Mr. Potter John McCain optimistically predicts that we’ll be done totally fucking things up in Iraq by 2013.

The Iraq War has been won. Iraq is a functioning democracy, although still suffering from the lingering effects of decades of tyranny and centuries of sectarian tension. Violence still occurs, but it is spasmodic and much reduced…it’s not a timetable, it’s victory. It’s victory, which I have always predicted.

Let’s do a little numbers comparison. Remember, kids, there will be a test on this.

  • Revolutionary War: 8 years
  • War of 1812: 3 years
  • Civil War: 4 years
  • Spanish American War: under 1 year
  • World War I: 2 years
  • World War II: 4 years
  • Korean War: 3 years (less than a third as long as M*A*S*H lasted!)
  • Vietnam Conflict: 12 years

Come on, guys, we can drag this out another additional two years, and then we’ll be tied for the biggest, most shameless waste of money and human life in American military history! TOGETHER, WE CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN, VOTE MCCAIN IN ’08.


YOU CAN DOOOOOO EEEEET!