The giant gay storm

Stephen Colbert knocks it out of the park again with this satire of the National Organization for Marriage’s now-infamous “coming storm” ad against same-sex marriage.

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The best kind of satire is that which comes off as only slightly more absurd than its target.  Consider This is Spinal Tap: more than 25 years after its release, there is still some debate on whether or not Spinal Tap was a real band.  The confusion is understandable, as virtually every aspect of the movie, right down to Christopher Guest’s Jeff Beck-esque haircut, was based on real life events or people, just somewhat exaggerated.  NOM’s commercial is ridiculous enough on its own, with the furrowed brows on the actors as they claim that they’re “scared” of the effect same sex marriage will have on their freedom.  In a particularly spot-on moment, Colbert’s version has one man claiming that if same sex marriage is legalized, it will render heterosexual marriage illegal, to which another man replies “Yes, I heard that somewhere.”  It’s accurate because opponents of same sex marriage keep talking about how their freedom will be threatened should it be made legal, without elaborating on what they mean by “freedom.”  They keep saying that their rights are at risk and that their anti-gay marriage stance isn’t borne of homophobia, but out of a desire to “protect our children.”  To paraphrase Inigo Montoya, they keep using those words.  I don’t think they mean what they think they mean.

The truth is, no one can come up with a reasonable argument against same sex marriage without either mentioning the Bible or revealing their own innate homophobia.  The “rights” they mention have been bestowed upon them by God, not the government, and those rights are to feel as though you’re one of a chosen few and to judge those who you perceive as not being part of that few.  Why, if just anybody can get married, who can we look down on for not being quite as special as us? In claiming you’re just in it to “protect the children,” you’re saying that you still believe in that tired old stereotype of gays wanting to recruit young people to join their big gay army, where drill exercises consist of disco dancing and fisting, and you can earn a medal for advanced sashaying and shantaying.  Recruiting people to become gay, how ridiculous.  Why that would be like going up to strangers on the street or working in stores and asking them if they’ve heard about Jesus.

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