The forgotten victims of the recession

Found by way of Jezebel, the Washington Post reports on more tragedy caused by the recession: its negative impact on the love lives of white-collar douchebags.

Dating in the time of the pink slip means feeling the squeeze of the drastically reduced paycheck, the sudden sting of the layoff. From investment bankers to real estate developers to construction workers, no job means no buying rounds of $15 martinis for a pretty woman and her girlfriends. No hosting parties in the bachelor loft. And often, no idea how to present one’s new self on the dating market.

“It’s been incredibly stressful for me,” said Neil Welsh, 27, the guy in the suit, who until last year was marketing director for a booming real estate company. “I was so used to using my financial situation to leverage my dating.”

You know, I thought it was bad when I read just how many Americans are currently going without adequate medical insurance.  I thought it couldn’t get any worse than when I read about a woman who is trying to subsist on less than $10 a week for groceries.  Now I see that I’ve looked into the true face of the horror caused by this bleak economic climate: guys like Neil Welsh just can’t get as much pussy as they used to.

No more parties in the bachelor loft? Jesus H. Christ, how much more agony will we be subjected to as a society? Hold on, let me take a moment to compose myself before I go on.  Okay.  The Post elaborates further, not just profiling how it’s affecting worthless sacks of shit who compensate for penis size and a lack of personality by flashing around their gold cards, but also superficial golddiggers who woke up one morning and thought it was 1955.

For Natalie Huddleston, 27, a marketer at a law firm, dating itself is on hold. Standing with her girlfriends on an outdoor deck of the Eighteenth Street Lounge, nursing a Manhattan, the Arlington resident said men ask her out much less since the market crash.

“They’re spending more time at networking events, happy hours, with their guy friends — trying to get leads on jobs, rather than spending it on women,” she said. “I feel bad for the guys who don’t have jobs.”

Bad enough to date them? She smiled and shook her head. “I guess I’m kind of traditional. So if a guy can’t really take you out or doesn’t have the money or the state of mind to take girls out, then it’s not going to go anywhere.”

So, really, it’s not the economy that’s the problem here, it’s people who refuse to give up on old stereotypes and gender roles, don’t look at less than three figures as an acceptable amount to spend on a date and have an overblown notion of how they “deserve” to be treated.  But don’t worry, there’s a bright spot! Towards the end of the article the reporter does manage to dig up a couple guys who found women willing to lower themselves to inexpensive dates such as hiking or a baseball game and eating at “ethnic restaurants” (meaning not white or profiled in Saveur).   We can only hope that will be enough to get them through until the economy recovers, everyone starts working again, and they can return to being ostentatious fuckwits who blow all their money on $150 kobe beef cheeseburgers and cigar bars in order to impress women who put a large price tag on their affection.  The faster we can get these people out of the normal person dating pool and back into their own grotesque little fiefdom where Gordon Gekko and Carrie Bradshaw will reign supreme forever, the better all of us will be.

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5 Responses to “The forgotten victims of the recession”

  1. This sickens me. It mostly sickens me because I know a guy like Mr. Welsh and he makes me want to scream. How can people be that shallow? It is honestly beyond me.

    I told my dad that this crash would show the true measure of people. I’m not sure that I am enjoying being right.

  2. Abbey: I live in New York, and every once in a while the Times will run similar articles, like how rich people have had to put off buying boats or expensive jewelry because of the recession. Recently there was one about how difficult it will be for executives to maintain their standards of living with the $500K salary cap Obama has proposed. I always wonder if they’re meant to be jokes, then I figure no, it’s probably just showing how the recession has negatively impacted everyone, even the upper class. They’ll have to excuse me if I don’t have much sympathy to spare, especially for investment bankers and stockbrokers who have lost their jobs, since their industries are much to blame for this in the first place.

    And yes, I totally agree that you will see the true measure of people during these times. Any time I hear someone grouse over “I don’t need to help these people, I’ve got my own problems,” or “blah blah blah the stimulus plan is socialism let them eat cake blah blah blah” all I can think is “Man, you’ve got some bad karma coming your way.”

  3. priskiller Says:

    Great post, unreal article.

    Your tag cloud is funny.

  4. See, the real reason these people aren’t dating is bc they are so pathetically shallow and boring that they can’t actually think of anything better to do than sit around bars or their apartments and mindlessly drink expensive alcohol. Have these people no hobbies? Nothing to talk about besides their paychecks? Regarding your previous entry: and this psychologist dude thinks *Twitter users* suffer from a lack of identity??

  5. Mark T. Market Says:

    I think Gekko might have been too simplistic about greed, but he did draw the line at profit–which is more than I can say for the bankers, traders, and Wall Street hotshots who contributed to the financial crisis.

    Gekko would have sneered at people like Madoff who got rich at the expense of even their own shareholders.

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