You may now kiss Party B

You knew it was only a matter of time: in an attempt to overshadow the sheer awesomeness that is George Takei marrying another guy, a heterosexual couple is stomping their feet and refusing to take the plunge themselves, in protest over California marriage licenses now using the words “Party A” and “Party B” in place of “bride” and “groom.”  But it has nothing to do with being against same-sex marriage, perish the thought!

“We are traditionalists – we just want to be called bride and groom,” said Bird, 25, who works part time for her father’s church. “Those words have been used for generations and now they just changed them.”

Of course, because otherwise how could you tell which one was which? Certainly with a minor wording change in a document perhaps a dozen people other than the married couple in question will ever need to see, the terms “bride” and “groom” have all but been rendered meaningless.  The wedding processional song will now be ‘Here Comes Party B.’  Attendants will be known as “B-maids” and “A-men.” Wedding guests won’t know where to sit in the church, because now it’ll be the B’s side and the A’s side.  It’ll create chaos and anarchy on a level usually only seen on an episode of Bridezillas, or should I say Bzillas.

The same sex marriage act was passed in May, I’m surprised it took a whole four months before a couple of numbskulls made some half-assed attempt at proving how it’s ruining things for straight people.  They don’t want to be legally recognized as married, they want to be recognized specifically as a bride and groom, as if it makes a goddamned bit of  difference.  Seriously, at what point after your wedding are you still referred to as the bride and groom? Do you introduce your spouse to people as “This is Dave, my groom”? Do you tell your co-workers “I’m taking my bride out to dinner tonight”? The document change was merely to make the wording gender-neutral, it doesn’t eliminate someone’s status of being the “bride” or the “groom” in the wedding ceremony.  Call yourselves the wombat and the Little General if you want, it doesn’t impact the validity of the marriage one bit.

Bird and Codding have refused to complete the new forms, a stand that has already cost them. Because their marriage is not registered with the state, Bird cannot sign up for Codding’s medical benefits or legally take his name. They are now exploring their options, she said.

Yeah, that sure does suck when people aren’t allowed to legally wed and enjoy the benefits married couples have, doesn’t it? Oh wait, except refusing to get married because you don’t like the wording on the license isn’t the same thing as being prevented by law from getting married.  Nice try on the Sacramento Bee‘s part to take a sympathetic stance, though.

But seriously, guys, seriously, it’s not a religious or anti-same sex marriage thing.  They’re traditionalists.  That’s why the bride’s father, holy crap, what a surprise a pastor in a Christian church, is trying to start a darling little protest over the matter.

Bird’s father, Doug Bird, pastor of Roseville’s Abundant Life Fellowship, said he is urging couples not to sign the new marriage forms, and that he is getting some support from congregants and colleagues at local churches.

“I would encourage you to refuse to sign marriage licenses with ‘Party A’ and ‘Party B,’ ” he wrote in a letter that he sent to them. “If ever there was a time for the people of the United States to stand up and let their voices be heard – this is that time.”

Well, gosh, Dad, what are we supposed to be standing up for, the right for your dingbat daughter to be known as the “bride”? Fine, she’s the bride, that was easy, wasn’t it? If this is just about “tradition” (and remember, without tradition we are as unsteady as a fiddler on a roof!), why are you talking about it like it’s a political issue? Why are you allowing the Pacific Justice Institute to speak publically on your behalf? The Pacific Justice Institute, a sort of ACLU for conservative Christians, seems to have spent a great deal of time, and continues to date, hindering the process making it legal for same-sex couples to marry in California, including calling for a boycott of Pacific Gas & Electric, one of the major sponsors of the act.  So you’ll pardon me if I have my doubts that this isn’t some last-ditch effort for people who haven’t quite gotten the gist of what the words “marriage” and “family” really mean to insist that gays having the right to marry signifies the coming Apocalypse.

Bird and Codding say they are trying to figure out what to do next. Bird said she does not know what she will do if she should become ill and need insurance. “I really don’t know,” she said.

All right, enough, Sacramento Bee, they don’t make violins that tiny.

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