You can never run out of body parts to hate

Dr. Gumb will see you now.

Dr. Gumb will see you now.

As seen at Jezebel, women on a self-loathing quest for perfection now have another part of their body they can subject to unnecessary surgery: the fleshy part of the upper back.

“For many patients — even the very fit ones, such as an aerobics instructor — the upper to mid-line back where the rolls and bulges form was very frustrating,” says Dr. Joseph Hunstad. “This redundancy of skin occurs generally from aging and cannot be exercised away.” InventorSpot reports that Dr. Hunstad and his colleagues created a “back fat” surgery to remove this “redundant skin…for those who desire to wear form-fitting outfits, this procedure eliminates the problem.”

You know, I was too busy worrying about my thighs, my soft, doughy abdomen and the possibility that I might have “cankles” to even think about the extra flesh that might be residing around my upper back, thank goodness a doctor pointed out its existence to me and invented a procedure that will allow me to get it hacked off. “Redundant skin,” what does that mean, skin that repeats itself? I thought things in the world of cosmetic surgery had reached their nadir with hymen reconstruction and “armpit tucks,” now I see we’ve merely scratched the surface. The ideas money-hungry plastic surgeons can plant in the minds of insecure women with utterly fucked, unrealistic notions of beauty are endless: remove your smallest toe so you can wear narrow, more stylish shoes! Get surgical steel bars implanted in your upper chest so your collarbones will look more prominent! Have a couple ribs removed to make your waist smaller! O WAIT SHIT THEY ALREADY CAN DO THAT.

It’s late as I write this, I’ve had a long day and I haven’t the physical or spiritual energy required to go into yet another rant about the ridiculous misery we women put ourselves through to maintain a “perfect” appearance, even though the standard of “perfect” constantly changes and will never be fully attainable. Right now I’m too busy being mildly chilled at the notion that a surgery that consists solely of getting pieces of skin and fat sliced off your back exists. I’m reminded of the scene in Silence of the Lambs where Clarice Starling and Jack Crawford are present at the autopsy of Frederica Bimmel, a victim of serial killer Jame “Buffalo Bill” Gumb that he describes later as “a great big fat person.” She too had a considerable amount of skin removed from her back. The only difference was she didn’t pay anyone to do it.

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