If you needed another reason to vote for Obama

I say “Stephen Baldwin,” and you reply “One of the Baldwin brothers, right?” Try to elaborate any further and it gets a little tricky. You can’t say “one of the less talented ones,” because that implies that any of them besides oldest brother Alec actually possesses any scientifically measurable amount of talent. So you have to narrow it down: he’s not Alec, he’s not the one who’s a junkie and he’s not the one who’s married to the chick from Wilson Phillips and starred in that porny movie with Sharon Stone. Whichever one is left standing, that’s Stephen. You may recognize Stephen Baldwin from such treasures of the silver screen as The Sex Monster, The Snake King and Dark Storm. But more likely you’ll only remember him from The Usual Suspects, the only watchable film in his twenty year long acting career, before he spiraled into the abyss of straight to DVD, reality television (lasting one whole episode of Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge) and appearing as Barney Rubble in The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas.

At some point during all this an anvil was dropped on his head and he became a raving Jesus freak, starting a teen ministry and writing a book called The Unusual Suspect (oh you see what he did thar?), about his experiences as a born-again Christian. Considering he refers to his brand of religion as “the new hardcore faith movement,” it’s not surprising that Baldwin is in your face aggressive about his love for Christ, sort of a combination between a preacher and a college frat dude. In fact, he’s become the archetypical obnoxious born-again Christian, using every occasion when a microphone or tape recorder is shoved in his face to proselytize (though being that it’s Stephen Baldwin those occasions are probably growing fewer and farther between), being blissfully ignorant of what the Bible actually says (an interview with Radar revealed he could name neither all Ten Commandments or all twelve apostles), calling everybody “brother,” renouncing any films from earlier in his career that might have had gay themes to them (though apparently the ones where he kills a bunch of guys are A-OK) and making outrageously dunderheaded public statements, such as suggesting that Bono would be better off preaching the gospel rather than working to relieve Third World debt. 

Stephen Baldwin is also apparently the sole John McCain supporter in Hollywood, which is the only barely reasonable explanation why he appeared as a guest on conservative talk show host Laura Ingraham’s program on FOX News last night, announcing that he will leave the country if Barack Obama is elected president.

Personally, I would have put quotes around the word “actor,” but that’s just me. It’s unclear whether Baldwin is being serious or is trying to be a total (and not very Christian) asswipe by making a dig at brother Alec, who semi-famously made a similar announcement some years ago in regards to George W. Bush, subsequently failing to follow through with it. However, being there is no evidence that Baldwin has a sense of humor, or at least, not since appearing in Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore (because let’s face it, that would take the piss out of pretty much anyone), it’s likely he’s being a sincere asswipe. He’s also designated himself the representative for the little people, those hardworking, salt of the earth folks in Middle America who don’t give a fig what some Hollywood type thinks of politics, then immediately negates this by going on to talk about what he thinks of politics.

Has FOX News managed to sink lower than the “Obama’s Baby Mama” fiasco by bringing on an outspoken D-list actor to criticize other actors for being outspoken about their political beliefs? Is this more embarrassing than Mike Huckabee proudly claiming he thought he could win the Republican nomination because he was endorsed by Chuck Norris? While you mull those questions over, consider this: if you were wavering on who to vote for in November, think of this way, you wouldn’t be so much voting to put Barack Obama in office as getting Stephen Baldwin out of America. Really, is there a more noble gesture than that? If we could figure out a way to include Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Dane Cook, Rob Schneider, Larry the Cable Guy, the entire cast of The Hills and Cameron Diaz, this place might actually become liveable again.

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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