Tune into Tokyo

Feministing posts a segment from Attack of the Show, a TV program I had never heard of until the minute I read the article, that discusses the strange trend of videos being posted on YouTube of young women punching each other in the breasts. No sooner than in the very first comment does someone claim that they will strike in the groin anyone who attempts to treat her “fun bags,” as Attack of the Show delightfully refers to them, in such a manner. Rather than discuss what sort of deep well of misogyny and female self-loathing such a thing as “boob punching” must dip from, most of the following comments dissolve into a debate over whether hitting a woman in the chest is the same as hitting a man in the testicles.

I am reminded of the now legendary “Open Source Boob Project,” when the resulting internet shitstorm led to an amusing parody called “The Open Source Kick in the Nuts Project.” Most people got that it was satire, and that only a very few women, those who have not yet accepted that Valerie Solanas and Andrea Dworkin were a couple of raisin cakes, would honstly think it was a good idea to go around kicking random men in the crotch. However, a small but vocal minority of people protested that grabbing a woman’s breasts is not at all comparable to striking a man in the balls, because one is sexual and the other is violent.

Subsequently, as in the comments in the Feministing article, everyone misses the point.

Punching, squeezing, kicking, hitting with a bat, stepping on while wearing golf cleats, or just touching in what you believe is a playful manner someone’s parts without their permission, whether those parts are sticking out of their chest or hanging between their legs, is unacceptable, and it’s amazing that that even has to be clarified. There is no “better” or “worse,” regardless of the level of physical pain it causes, and there definitely doesn’t need to be any splitting of the hairs over the intent of the touching. Granted, while the tone of the Attack of the Show segment was meant to be lascivious, I’m pretty sure that if you go up to a regular woman in a bar, whether you’re male or female yourself, and just haul off and sock her in the tit, she’s not going to take a few moments to wonder what you meant by that before reacting to it. By that measure, here’s an important bulletin: men getting hit in the balls? Not funny. Never was funny, never will be funny. I realize it’s a favorite gimmick in children’s movies, and it’s kept America’s Funniest Home Videos on the air for thirty-seven years now, but it’s a tired, cheap tactic for laughs, and I wonder if anyone even acknowledges the hypocrisy of laughing at such a thing while claiming to be appalled at the notion of “boob punching.”

Parts is parts, people, whether they’re male or female. If someone punches me in the tits, I’m ripping his fucking arm out of its fucking socket, because that’s the offending body part, not his balls. I would do the same if it was a woman. The notion that because it mostly seems to be women doing it to other women doesn’t make it “different” or “better,” nor is it not so bad when a man gets hit in a crotch. Inappropriate touching and violence shouldn’t be weighed according to the gender of the person it was inflicted upon, the gender of the person inflicting it, or the “intent” behind it. Remember what your mommies and your kindergarten teachers told you, and keep your damn hands, and your feet to yourselves.

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